America

America is full of deep seeded hate and indifference.  Something needs to be done.  Our levels of
what is acceptable have become too lenient.  Whether we like it or not our future is at stake.  This is a little rant I wrote a few years ago when, one day, I decided that I had had enough.

Is America Destined To Fall?

        Look at our country.  America, the proud, the beautiful.  Land of the free, home of the brave.  From the day we are born we are taught to worship our gods, respect our parents and obey the rules and regulations of our government.  We are taught to stand up and fight for what we believe in.  This is how we gained our independence from Britain's "power hungry grasp".  We are also taught that this is the "Great Melting Pot", where people of all races and creeds can live together and prosper.   Everything we are taught is in contradiction to each other.
        For thousands of years mankind has roamed the Earth.  Animals by instinct, miracles by intellect.  Yet even with all our growth and progress we are still ruled by our base emotions.  Hate, fear, love and a multitude in between.  What we sometimes don't realize is that when you put them all together in one person they can create chaos.  People naturally fear what they don't understand and hate what they fear.  It becomes a vicious cycle.
        When we break our country into cross sections, not only do we see different races but also many different religions, heritage's, economic wealth's and standards of morality and living.  All of these layers are what make our country unique.  But, considering our country's history, this could be our downfall.   We have come from a fledgling land full of hopes, promises and dreams to a land full of greed, corruption and the worship of "The Almighty Dollar".  We try to hide this.  On the outside our country is strong, powerful and rich.  A benefactor of those less fortunate.  If you were to take a closer look you would see that we are rotting from the inside out.  In this capitalistic society our main goal is to get ahead.  However, we must remember that nature balances itself out and we are part of that balance.  For every person that prospers another falls on bad times.  In our country you would think that when we see someone in need we would help them out.  That is not always the case.  Instead we act like the animals we are and strike while they are weak.  We grind them down further by using them as a stepping stone to move up.
        Perhaps we are destined to fall because we have so many different beliefs.  They all say that theirs is the only true path to righteousness.  How can we respect these other beliefs when we are raised to fight for what we believe in?  How can we live in harmony with so many other races, religions and cultures all packed together (sometimes on a single city block)?  If by instinct we fear what is different and hate what we fear it is no wonder that this country is more a bubbling cauldron than a melting pot.
        As the turmoil increases, two things could happen.  We could build up so much pressure that we, as a nation, would explode.  Thousands of U.S. citizens would swarm to other countries to avoid the growing conflicts and violence.  Many people would rather flee to uncertainty than stand and face
their doom.  Another possibility is that we could build up so much internal violence and so many conflicts that we would start another civil war.  It could start as a race war and turn into a battle that includes everything religion and government to our economic standards of living, perhaps the rich against the poor.  Eventually as the violence escalates our citizens will be killed off one by one.  All that will be left of our beloved country is an empty shell.  Then we will crumble.  When we fall so will our hopes, promises and dreams of a brighter future.
        I truly do not think that will happen.  I believe as human beings we are too smart to throw away everything we have.  We will remember the past and learn from our mistakes.  Slowly people will change. They will understand more and fear less.  They can understand their fellow citizens because they no longer hate them.  However, some people will gain understanding without losing their hate.  These people have lived on hate so long that their life has no meaning without it.  They are afraid that if they accept and respect the differences, they will have to take a step back.  They will have to admit they were wrong.  This is never an easy task and many people see it as losing something that they have gained.  What they do not understand is that sometimes you have to sacrifice for the greater good.
        In the end, we must cast aside hundreds of years of fear and hate.  We must search within ourselves for the humanity we all share to accomplish our common goals.  Instead of using our anger to return to the days of civil war, where brother fought against brother, let us use it to cleanse the
corruption, greed and violence from our lives.  We must use it to fuel the fires of progress.  If there is there is understanding and acceptance, hate will have nothing to feed upon.  Let us reclaim our future, now!
      9/28/1996
 

Assholes

Everybody knows one, most of us know a lot.  We pass them on the street, we work for them and with them.  Sometimes they're even related.  The question is what can you do?  I find that most of the time ignoring them works quite well (unless of course it's your boss) but sometimes you just really want to tell the offending person off.  Unfortunately,  in today's politically correct society it becomes almost impossible without getting nailed with some sort of  harassment charge.  Not only do you have to worry about harassment, but what if the asshole is also a psycho?  Then you starting getting into things like road rage and postal shootings.  I've learned a few ways of getting even (yes, I know, they're childish) that would help alleviate the unpleasantness of having to deal with an asshole.  I find the littlest things can be most annoying.

Boss:

• Do everything right the first time. (They secretly want you to screw to justify then being boss.)
• Never ever, under any circumstances, suck up. (It just feeds their enormous egos.)
• Steal their pens whenever you get a chance. (Don't ever let him find them though.)
• Last but not least, skip the chain of command whenever you can.

• Notes on the back.  It doesn't even matter what it says, they know they were "tagged".
• Super gluing their non expensive items.  Soda cap, pen or coffee cup.
• Any time they start talking to you say something like "Did you just fart, oh, must be your breath."
• Spread rumors about them, then see how long it takes to get through the whole company.

• Never invite them over.
• If you see them at a family function, recommend aunt Edna's zesty tuna fish goulash.
• If you see them in public, pretend like you didn't. (This works well for coworkers too.)
• If for some reason you have to socialize, giggle quietly every time they say something.

• Don't leave them a tip.
• Don't leave them a tip.
• Don't leave them a tip.
• Pray you never have them again, because they might remember you and goober your food.

• Do nothing aggressive.  If anything they will get the ticket and not you.
• Never provoke them, they could be a ticking time bomb. (With a gun.)
• Drive defensively.
• Take down their license plate number and turn it in to the police.

This is one of the trickiest issues in current history.  From freedom of choice to experimentation on the aborted fetuses.  Where exactly is the line drawn?  For some their zealousness make them into hypocrites.  For example, look at the people who bomb clinics and shoot doctors.  They believe in the sanctity of life so much they are willing to kill.  In one aspect they don't believe it is mankind's place to kill (see Death Penalty) yet it somehow becomes their place to eliminate the "evil doers".  Granted, not all are forms of protest are violent.  But what it really comes down to is freedom of choice concerning your own body.  People get sterilized (even more should), plastic surgery and even die (see Euthanasia) by choice anymore.
 

Body Odor

I find that body odor is one of the worst possible breaches of my personal space.  I'm not talking about honest to goodness sweat and odor from physical activity.  I'm talking about the filthy rotten, unclean stench that only comes from lack of personal hygiene.  Surprisingly enough these people usually have normal, clean significant others.  How can they stand it?  When confronted they almost always have some sort of excuse like "We only have a bathtub" or "I'm allergic to deodorant". Let me tell you folks, that is no excuse.  I only had a bathtub for a year.  What did I do?  I took a bath every night.  I am also allergic to deodorants, soaps, perfumes etc... but there are a lot of products out there that are hypo-allergenic.
 

Bad Breath

I feel the same about breath as I do other body odor.  A clean mouth is a health mouth.  I brush twice a day and I actually enjoy the feeling of it and the taste of my mouth when I'm done.  I am more lenient with breath though.  Unless you like to chew gum a lot, it's hard to keep your breath fresh all day long.  It's understandable.  Green fuzz between your teeth isn't!
 

Cigarettes

I absolutely hate cigarettes.  I admit, I tried to smoke once.  When I was four years old I would act like my mother, pretending that crayons and pencils were my cigs.  One day she asked me if I really wanted to be like mommy and of course I said yes.  I sucked on it just like a straw and proceeded to choke and gag for a half an hour.  Even now my grandma thinks she was trying to kill me, but who knows maybe it worked.  I have never been tempted since.  (Even through peer pressure) It could just be that I'm a very strong willed person.  When I make up my mind I don't let mass opinion sway me.  I don't care how many people are doing something, if I don't like it then I won't do it.  I still will never completely understand why people start in the first place.  What's cooler, a cigarette or the lung monkey you hack up when you're done smoking it?  Beats me.

Death Penalty

I firmly believe in the death penalty.  Too many murders, rapists and other violent criminals are in jail with more luxuries than many citizens.  They are just biding there time until they get early release because of overcrowding and the fact that they psyched out there shrink.  What's funny is  that there is just as much crime in prisons as everywhere else.  With drug abuse, rape and murder (And not always committed by the inmates) running rampant in the prisons, they almost need a jail in the jail.
The worst of the violent offenders are often not reformable.  They usually end up committing the same kind of crimes when they get out of jail.  Maybe what this country needs is a harsher punishment system on top of a working death penalty.  (I believe chain gangs are making a come back in Texas and Alabama)  I say more power to them.  If you can't make a criminal want to be good, give them a good reason not to commit crime.

Euthanasia (Assisted Suicide)

This is another touchy subject.  Essentially it's somewhere between murder and suicide.  A very big taboo with the religious community.  I think of it more as having your pet put to sleep when they are in pain and misery, only this way the dog gets a choice.  The main problem I see with this is it's potential for abuse.  I suppose it shouldn't bother me though, our society is full of abuse potential.  Most of the market seems to be cornered by the government and major corporations.  If someone really wanted to commit suicide, no one could stop them.  If it were your relative that were in constant pain wouldn't you at least want it to be a painless as possible with the support of there family?  Part of me feels like it is a cop out but I still firmly believe in a freedom of choice.

Flies

Those biting black flies of summer.  Need I say more?

Grandma and Grandpa

Although only my grandmother is still alive, I think the world of both of them.  My grandpa was my hero (To a girl without a father), and my idol.  My grandma is my anchor.  She is the strongest person I know.  She has outlived all but two of her siblings, three husbands and four of her six children (All but the two youngest)  I feel sorry for her because now she lives with my mother.  When ever I see her, I spoil her rotten to help compensate for that fact.

Hornets, Bees, etc...

I'm afraid of anything that flies and can sting.  I'm slightly allergic and it swells but mostly because it hurts, duh!

Jokes

If there's one thing I can't get enough of, it's comedy.  I even wanted to be a comedian once but I knew I just wasn't funny. (Believe me, funny and funny looking are two completely different things.)
I believe laughter is the best medicine, I'm just not a doctor.

Lying

I despise casual liars.  Don't get me wrong, everyone lies.  A little innocent lie is often used to protect the person being lied to.  It is the liars that lie to protect themselves that make me sick.  If you can't trust someone, what's left?

Marriage

I don't believe marriage is for me.  I think its good for some people but not necessary.  I don't feel that the terms of my commitment should be dictated by the church, government or familial expectations.  If you want to spend the rest of your life with someone it should be a matter of love, devotion and respect.  If these things are lost, the institution of marriage puts expectations on people to stay together for the wrong reasons.  Many people, through religious beliefs, look down on unmarried couples for their lack of commitment.  They try to link the early divorce rate to people with loose morals and lack of commitment.  Often divorce is the result of a rushed or "expected" marriage.  Families and society put pressure on people to marry for usually the wrong reasons.  The main one being unexpected pregnancy.  These marriages are almost doomed to fail, especially with the younger married couples.  Its not just that young people don't know what they're looking for (I know many older people who still don't)  but they're still in a state of flux.  People will change and grow as individuals there entire life but especially during young adulthood.  The younger the people are that marry, the more likely they will grow apart.  This really holds true for those people who marry for the wrong reasons and really don't have much in common to begin with.  You can't base a lifelong commitment on one night of passion.

Money

Money is not the root of all evil, people are.  It makes things happen, good and bad.  It secures our future, pays our bills and buys our toys.  It also makes us worry, inspires greed and theft, and makes us lazy.  In the right hands it can work miracles, in the wrong hands it can work a government.

Random Musings And Strange Thoughts

After reading too much of other people's emotions I often lose track of my own.

If I leave no other mark on the world, I am confident in the fact that my words will still be here. In them, people will see me, and I will live on.

Life is simple.  It's humans who make it complex with their categorizing and theorizing.

Such events strike chords in me that are so deep and disturbing they resonate throughout my entire life.

The world is full of stupid people doing stupid things for stupid reasons.

My life is changing so fast sometimes I feel out of control... and I wonder if I'll be able to keep up with myself.

Self help is not overrated.  I'm my own therapist and given the circumstances I think I'm one of the most well adjusted people I know.

"Do you think you might be gay?"  It wasn't the question that disturbed me so much as the answer I gave.  "No."  It was only one word yet I saw it for the lie that it was.  I knew it would eat away at my heart, gnawing at my soul from the inside out.  I have always been shackled by guilt of my own making.

The men I work with, both young and old, are all sound in their prejudices and not likely to change no matter how logical and persuasive the evidence presented.

Where has that girl of my youth gone?  The angry young dreamer disappeared at the first sign of adulthood.  To this day, I don't know if she was a coward and simply ran away or if I was the coward and refused her entrance into my adult world.

I think one of my worst faults is that I'm too critical.  Though I refuse to wear the robe or pass judgment I sit high upon the bench and evaluate all I see and hear.  I subject everything to my own brand of morality and form my opinions from there.

Sometimes I become obsessed with the trials and motivations of human nature.  I think I seek to understand others so I can better understand myself.

It's on the days I'm feeling introspective that I learn the most about myself.

Can I really say I'm living a double life when, by nature, I'm a very private person who keeps much of my personal life to myself.

I discovered today that it's possible to be depressed and not even know it.  In the past depression has always led me towards deep thinking and self analysis.  So as I stand here turning my thoughts inside out and tastng my inner ramblings on the tip of my tongue, I realize that I must be depressed.  Because that is just how it works.

I constantly feel the indescribable need to connect with another living soul, the urge to touch and be touched.  It is a daily force in my dreams, both conscious and unconscious.  But I have yet to find anyone willing to follow the beat of my drum or who I wish to fall in step with me.

Most people are a ambiamorous, able to love and be loved mutually.  However a few individuals are uniamorous.  They, either through conscious or unconscious mental configuration and personality reflex, are only capable of one or the other.  As with many other things in life there are no definitive categorizations.  They are as diverse in their variety as there are shades of gray.

What is the biggest motivating emotion in the human psyche?  How is it affected/altered by environmental differences and opinions of self worth.  Love, hate, joy, sorrow, fear and uncertainty. What is the key emotion that unlocks the most hidden and controlling facets of our personality?

Human nature is no more than a generalized animalistic explanation of actions and reactions to any given stimulus.

Being an only child means there are a lot of things I don't like to share, myself being at the top of the list.

I've finally chosen a path but not knowing where it leads, I still feel lost.

It's never too late to change your ways but it can be to late to make amends.

Deep inside I have always been a feminist, an activist.  And now as I feel myself changing and as my life turns itself inside out, I wonder how long it will take this facet of my personality to come, irrevocably and completely, forward.

I have always had very strong feelings about feminist issues.  But in the past my passion has lacked focus.  I have only ever felt a vague sense of restless inactivity.

Activism is an excellent tool for promoting change and enlightenment.  However, it is up to the individual to determine what issues they should promote and what actions their activism should employ.

How can a woman with any concept of self worth not be a feminist?

Cultural beliefs should never supersede the freedom of an individual.  If they do, look for ulterior motives from the ones in control.

As I grow as an individual I can  feel all my passionate beliefs trying to push their way outside of me.  It makes me afraid.  Not of the fact that I will be exposed for the world to see but that I would have so little control, that I am becoming so easily ruled by my emotions where my feminist tendencies are concerned.

 The only reason the world is still patriarchal in nature is that for centuries women have been conditioned to think of themselves as less, trained to fear and submit.  We lack that essential gender unity that would enable us to be free of feminist oppression.

We should learn to effect changes within before attempting to effect changes without.

What good is outrage without a focused outlet?
 

Religion

This is a biggie, isn't it?  I don't usually make it a point to discuss religion with anyone in the real world.  It is a very hot topic.  I believe that one's beliefs are a private matter.  That doesn't mean that you have to keep them secret, just that you shouldn't cram them down other people's throats.  It is good to be proud of what you believe in but you should always respect other beliefs and, if necessary, disbelief's.  There are many different religions and I think it is funny when many of them claim that there's is the one true path to salvation.  Religion is good for many people and could be good for many more but it is not necessary for everyone or even all people.  There is evil everywhere and the Church is not absolved of that fact.  To claim otherwise would be a lie.  I may be many things but I try not to be a liar.  I am, in my definition,  a skeptical realist who is sometimes sarcastically pessimistic.  I'm not sorry for that fact, nor am I sorry for the fact that I am what many people would call a "sinner".  I live a life that is morally right in my own eyes.  I just don't happen to be religious.  Many people would like to label me an atheist or, at best, agnostic.  I don't like labels.  I believe what I believe.  The best way I can describe how it feels to be me is this:  Many people like the idea of elves and fairies but even if they wanted to believe in them or someone tells them they exist, deep down they just don't believe it.  At best I would concede that their could be a being of greater power that would be to us as we are to ants.  It's true, ants would probably think of us as gods. Even my dog thinks the telephone and remote control are magic.  He won't go near them.  I think religion is a way of explaining the unexplained.  Thousands of years ago people thought the would was flat.  How do you think the idea of flying or the internet would be looked at during that time.  Surely they would either think of it as the work of god or the devil.  Now, in this day and age, we realize there are very real explanations for past mysteries.  I imagine in the future, as our knowledge  and awareness of the world around us increases, there will be some very real explanations for today's mysteries.  For those of you out there who are extremely religious, these are only my opinions!  You can't change them no matter what you do or say.  You can't convince me to accept your beliefs by threatening me with things I don't believe in (i.e.: If you don't believe in god you will go to hell.).  Hell, isn't that the upper peninsula during mosquito season?  To me it's like saying "If you don't believe in the bogey man, he's going to get you."  My last statement on the subject (now that I've damned myself to an eternity of U.P. mosquito season) is:  Unless I'm in a designated forum or chat, you respect mine and leave me alone and I'll respect yours and leave you alone. 'Nuff said!
 

S

Sexuality

This is forthcoming.  I will write it soon though, I promise!

Softball

Next to reading it is my favorite thing to do.  For me there is nothing better than hitting a home run or diving for a ball and catching it seconds before it hits the ground.  It is a huge rush.  It keeps me in shape in the summer and lets me meet many new people.

Television Violence

Television violence in today's society is much akin to a drug.  We started with small amounts.  As we, bit by bit, sacrifice our values we become desensitized to it.  Now in this high-tech day and age it takes more and more to achieve a "fix".  At our current rate, in ten years we'll probably kill our youth with an overdose.

Z

Zealots

People that fanatical scare me.  You can't reason with them, bribe them or sway them in any way.  These are often the people that become terrorists or start religious wars.